I'm A Stay at Home Mom (SAHM)

I have had a job since I was 7 years old. I worked for my stepfather when I was a child to pay for my school clothes. I was taught to manage my money after earning it, which is the only good thing my stepfather ever taught me. When I got married I was working close to 50 hours a week and I made a decent wage to carry home to mix with my husband's wages. When I got pregnant, my husband was newly out of the military and I figured that I would continue working to lighten the strain put on my husband. After my son was born, I lasted 3 months before I realized that I was not seeing my son but maybe an hour a day. Thirty minutes on the ride to my mother's house and thirty minutes on the ride back. So, I decided to become a stay at home mother.

What is a stay at home mother?

It sounds silly to ask that question but it is a viable question when considering that stay at home motherhood is a constantly changing entity and pretty controversial among parents. A stay at home mother is quite literally a mother who stays home and tends the children and the home created for the children. This description by no means claims that the women are not employed but rather have multiple jobs and a million or so responsibilities, just as women who work outside the home have multiple jobs and a million or so responsibilities. Many mothers fall into the argument of attempting to gauge how much work they do over another mother, based on whether they are employed outside the home or inside. Let's just agree that being a parent is a job all in itself. If you think long enough on the matter you realize that mothers, despite working in or outside the home, carry multiple job descriptions and have crazy amounts of responsibility.

What do stay at home mothers do?

Stay at home mothers stay at home with the children and have the privilege of raising their children on their own terms. This is not right for all women or families. Sometimes both parents must work and adjust their family dynamics to accommodate the family's needs. So, you SAHM's with a chip on your shoulder...please consider the various instances that other women find themselves in! No one is a better mother simply for being a stay at home mom. This is why I say it is a privilege to stay home with your children.

Stay at home mother's have a million job titles. We are chefs, laundresses, maids, playmates, imagination specialists, secretaries, chauffers, bathroom monitors, and personal shoppers just to name a few! In my opinion, motherhood is synomous with provision and sacrifice. Mothers don't get bathroom time. Just today I had my son trying to sit in my lap to read his Toy Story book while I was using the bathroom and I can't remember the last time I took a shower (during daylight hours) that did not include a “Mommy!” or an inquisitive face peering around the shower curtain. Mommy becomes your dominant identity. Ladies who are not mothers cannot even begin to understand why you find it absolutely hiliarious when you answer someone else's child's call for Mommy on a girl's only shopping trip.

All Mothers Need Mommy Time

Our husbands, boyfriends, or partners escape to work. Yes, we know they work hard to provide for us and we are usually quite appreciative of that. However, they don't usually have to have illogical arguments with coworkers as to why the cat does not eat grape jelly and why forcibly opening the cat's mouth to insert grape jelly is a bad thing. When my husband calls home on his breaks, I normally amuse him with the antics of our son in the time he is at work.

Most of the time it is cutesy stuff but other times he will be hysterical laughing while I am near tears. There are so many situations I've found myself in that I never expected to experience in my life, much less as a parent. Here is an example. Do you know what happens when you mix playdoh with water? It creates an interesting paste when you include enough water found in a cat's small water bowl. This paste is very sticky and does very well at sticking to hairy surfaces such as your child's head or the cat. My son's cat Tonky (named after his Tonka truck) was blue for a couple of hours much to my son's delight. Thankfully, Tonky is pretty calm about anything my son does. However, this does not extend to bathtime. So, it took me a couple hours and a couple baths to make an orange tabby turned blue tabby orange again.

Mommy time is simple but it is hard to come by. Moms, we must be firm on the constant of Mommy Time. This could be an uninterrupted bubble bath (even if it means you find a rubber ducky in a strange place when you settle in) or a lone grocery shopping trip (nirvana!). Be prepared for your partner to feel a little irritated that you do not want to spend that time with them. Sometimes, I dream about being alone. Literal dreams of sitting in a room with no one around at all. It sounds silly but it is something that mothers never seem to have. I have been blessed with a husband that hates to grocery shop with me. Hate is a strong word really but he will disappear to the electronics and any questions I have toward his preferences is met with “Whatever you want, honey”. So, he is always willing to stay at home with my son while I plan meals, look up sales, and shop for food. I love grocery shopping so it is win-win for me.

Some parents like getting their “me” time together or with other couples. For this route, you may consider combining sitters or share a sitter to watch your children while you all have a couple of hours to yourselves. The sitters see a large payout because let's be honest, you get a little group of kids together and you pretty much just have to make sure they don't burn down the house.

Make sure to get your Mommy time. It is crucial to relieving stress, clearing the mind, and becoming aware of your needs that you have put aside for others. Mommy time or making time for yourself is not selfish. You may even have to fight yourself in this idea. You need time to yourself to remain healthy, happy, and basically not insane.

My Suggestions for All Mothers

Remember all the chaos you have some small control over because it doesn't last forever. Children grow up so fast and time only speeds up as we get older. When all your kids grow up and move out you may find yourself talking on the phone while using the restroom just to get a thrill.

Prioritize! It's nice if you are able to keep an immaculate house and if you can, I want you to lie to me because I don't. There are only a few chores that I will not compromise on and that is the cleanliness of my kitchen and laundry. I vacuum often but not religiously..mainly because my son seems to think that vacuuming is like race car driving. I won't get into the exasperating details. Naturally, you need to figure out which chores are needed constantly and the chores that can wait if the need arises. When my son was first born I ran around like a crazy person to keep my house immaculate because I was always worried someone would drop by and not see super mom. Instead, they usually saw super tired and somewhat irritable Mom.

Get help and support. Whether you work inside the home or outside it, having a partner that pitches in removes a boatload of stress. Join networks of other mothers or stay at home mothers. You would be completely flabbergasted at the number of tricks available to you, not to mention limitless advice available from experienced moms!

Do something with your kids that your parents would never do with you or wouldn't allow in their home. This includes painting with real paint (it's like skydiving for parents..same rush when you avoid disaster), glitter if you are really brave (it goes everywhere even if you use it in a hermetically sealed room.), or hide and go seek in the dark. Now, these activities will be different for each person and perhaps even between the parental unit! I wasn't allowed to do anything fun as a child so, I am enjoying being a child through my experiences with my son.

And the last suggestion, is keep a log or a journal. I have kept a journal since I turned 13 and looking back over time can help you to gain perspective on your life and to evaluate the choices you make. It will also make for great laughs when you have moments like my “Look Mom-Mom, a blue Tonky!”.